I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
