don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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