Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
