wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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