There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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