I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
