And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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