I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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