Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
