Your tits are I can't wait for
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
