well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
