Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
