I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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