Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
