the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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