Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
