Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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