Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
