I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
