Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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