she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
