I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
