First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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