My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This is classic penis vs brain.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
