We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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