for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
