i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
