there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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