i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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