You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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