There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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