I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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