my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
