i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
