I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
