I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
