He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
