Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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