the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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