There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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