Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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