i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
operation harelip BJ is a go
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
