i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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