She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
