Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
