dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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