i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
