Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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