My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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