I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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