I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
