please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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