Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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