I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
a search helicopter?!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
