I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
