He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
