apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
