marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
