Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
