Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
