'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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