No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
